went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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