I wanna passion pit in your ass
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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