Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
