You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
