you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
