I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
