so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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