He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
