So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
