You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
