Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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