so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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