Heybabeimwearingurpanties
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
high people should be assigned attendants
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
