wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
