I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
