You're my little dorito
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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