3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
