i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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