Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.