Texts From Last Night

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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk

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  (423): I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk http://tfl.nu/ntyc
  Replies (18) Good night (2584) Bad night (1593)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.

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  (405): i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy. http://tfl.nu/1yd9
  Replies (19) Good night (3502) Bad night (818)
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  (+44): View more from England

  Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.

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  (+44): Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade. http://tfl.nu/0707
  Replies (29) Good night (1000) Bad night (4386)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.

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  (775): This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life. (1-775): Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life. http://tfl.nu/spac
  Replies (3) Good night (968) Bad night (3081)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.

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  (601): we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again. http://tfl.nu/0kiq
  Replies (9) Good night (3863) Bad night (976)
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  (650): View more from California

  It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.

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  (650): It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water. http://tfl.nu/g5w6
  Replies (14) Good night (807) Bad night (2671)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?

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  (337): How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/ms4s
  Replies (6) Good night (2861) Bad night (859)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!

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  (724): I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw! http://tfl.nu/e9vz
  Replies (14) Good night (3409) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  yay hump day

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  (812): Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra. (765): yay hump day http://tfl.nu/qbqw
  Replies (7) Good night (2200) Bad night (627)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.

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  (201): We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two. http://tfl.nu/ib5v
  Replies (1) Good night (1199) Bad night (568)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.

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  (306): We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them. http://tfl.nu/jpsq
  Replies (8) Good night (2113) Bad night (609)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.

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  (205): Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420. http://tfl.nu/zl7d
  Replies (3) Good night (1267) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"

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  (828): Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole" http://tfl.nu/3q74
  Replies (21) Good night (671) Bad night (2098)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.

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  (850): He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him. http://tfl.nu/bban
  Replies (6) Good night (929) Bad night (402)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style

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  (603): I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style http://tfl.nu/6hvg
  Replies (1) Good night (414) Bad night (301)

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