This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
