I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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