Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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