Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
