It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
