this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
