If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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