I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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