Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
