He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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