You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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