The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
