I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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