Sorry, I don't speak sober.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
