I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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