so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
