why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
