A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's how pantless uber rides happen
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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