Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
