I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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