dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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