I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
