I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
