btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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