i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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