babies were throwing up all over the place
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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