Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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