Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
