i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
