I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
