I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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