During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize