Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
