just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
