He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
