I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
