Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
