I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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