Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
