So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
