Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
