I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
