Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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