In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
