I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Still dying that you shit outside
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
