but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
