i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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