There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I will be naked everywhere
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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