I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
