finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
