So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
