so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
