YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
