so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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