I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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