if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize