Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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