He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
