Barsexuality is the new black.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
