Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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