I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
