I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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