I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
