in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
