Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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