Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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